OK….vacation is nearly over. I can stretch it for a week or two more, but like everyone else, it’s time to go back to the grueling schedule, the unpleasant tasks, the big build-ups for the great let-downs and the less than profitable paydays. Yes, it’s time to reactivate my online dating profiles and get back to the business of shifting through the grimy haystack to meet Mr. Good-enough”.
So, over the past few weeks as I reviewed the year of fruitless dating I wondered what I could do differently that might allow for a different outcome. Should I be more mysterious, more transparent, more youthful, more mature, more wise, more light-hearted or less droll, less experienced, less New York, well….Less Me? Is it a mistake to put it all out there in the profile? Was I being dismissed by the very target audience I craved because of my profile, my picture, my age? How could I change things up to improve my odds of meeting men who had a pulse and were more interested in the world outside than fantasy football? How could I be the magnet destined to attract the needle in all that hay?
The other night, late, late at night I was watching a show call Strange Sex. Now look, it was on the Learning Channel, so how freaky could it be. Actually, it wasn’t that strange, it was about physical sexual anomalies and odd fetishes. One segment was about a 77 year-old woman who dated only younger men. What’s so strange about that? I was intrigued. Her name was Hattie and most men alive would be younger than she was. But Hattie had a thing for men under 40. You go girl! Hattie was a beautiful woman with a magnificent face (especially for her age). She had never had nor did she need plastic surgery. Having been a dancer her body is slim and athletic, but hey, at 77 you know, your skin sags and your wardrobe should not consist of tube tops. She had a great personality though – funny and fun-loving, well-educated, active and charming. Hattie was married for 25 years when she finally divorced her philandering husband. She was so mad that she had “wasted her youth” on him that she was determined to act like a 25 year-old, much to her now 50 year-old son’s chagrin. Her notebook chronicles the 1300 or so dates she’s had thus far with men in their 20s and 30s. When asked why she didn’t date men of a more appropriate age she discreetly explained that men of appropriate age were “dead from the waist down”…and she wanted a MAN. She didn’t sleep with every one of these men but when she did she thoroughly enjoyed them and thought they too took full advantage of what she had to offer – years of love-making experience and athletic talent! I really admired this woman who did not let her age detract from her ability to live life to its fullest.
So I began to think….should I try to be a Cougar? Could I pull it off? I know I have more in common with younger men than the older ones, at least the ones I’ve met so far. But, could I really attract a younger man? Hell, if Hattie could date men whose mothers were young enough to be her daughters, then I should be able to go down a generation or two. Well, not down into the 30s, but what about late 40s or early 50s….I know I’m not Demi Moore, or Kim Catrell (at least not until I find the perfect surgeon and a lay-away plan!), but…should I try it? Would it be too risky emotionally? physically? financially?
On the other hand, I was thinking about (God forgive me!) lying about my age! The word is that desirable men don’t ever look at women over 59 on the internet. Some even say 55. And, I’ve been told I don’t look my age. What about shaving off about 5 years – so I’m, hmmm, let’s say, 56. Would that separate me from the image of a 60+ year-old woman - remember Aunt Bea from Mayberry? How old do you think she was supposed to be, huh? 61? Let’s face it, men in their late 50s or early 60s generally are looking for a woman younger than they are. When I look at men whose looks don’t make me gag, they are all in their 50s and just a few in their early 60s but their profile says they are searching for women 45 – 57. Since they never get a chance to see me or read about me --- isn’t that a shame, for both of us?
So, you see, I need your help. I’ve posted a survey at the upper right corner of this blog. Please vote (anonymously!) for which direction I should go in.
What should this year’s blog feature?
Cougar - Me with a gorgeous younger man struggling to gracefully get my full-body Spanks off while he nibbles my ear and I moan “Oh, yes, Spanks me, Spanks me!”, or
Pretender - Me on rollerblades in Central Park holding hands with my very junior boyfriend while listening to the latest Lady GaGa release on my I-Pod Nano?
Please fill out this simple survey and let me know which way you think I should go. If you have any words of wisdom please leave a comment (you can do that anonymously too). Time is running out…I must decide. Regardless, I suspect you will be the winners; whichever way you steer me, the encounters will no doubt amuse and I will continue to have fodder for my stories.
Awaiting your guidance, don’t disappoint!
There is a new entry on my grief blog - 2-1. Click on the link to the right
There is a new entry on my grief blog - 2-1. Click on the link to the right
