Sex and the 60 - Technicolor Girl in a Black and White World

There is a theme in my life. I am a round peg, trying to fit into a square hole. For some reason I just keep trying to hammer myself into the hole. I think if I twist here, or squeeze there I can make myself comfortable. But….try as I do – the fact remains I am a Technicolor Girl in a Black and White World.

OK look, I’m not tooting my own horn here or being a snob, I’m just telling it like it is. New Jersey is a Black and White World – that is to say drab, dull, boring, dreary, mind-numbing, lackluster, uninteresting and tedious. I’m not talking about the scenery, which in some places can be very beautiful and inspiring. I am, however, talking about the collection of the most one-dimensional men on the planet. They are so monochromatic that I look like a Technicolor dreamboat!

Now calm down you New Jersey guys reading this (that includes you girls who have settled down with Jersey guys). We all know there are exceptions to the rule and this case is no exception. There live in New Jersey many interesting men, but they do not appear to be eligible at this time….taken they are and thus not on Internet dating sites. If they are, they are so far and few between it would take me 100 years to meet a keeper in my “trading zone”.

So, what’s got her all riled up? Well, it’s been a busy, busy week. And to be honest I have begun to weigh the choice between being alone for the rest of my life and continuing to beat my head bloody on the Internet dating wall. There is a strong reason to continue - fodder for the blog, but although I love you is this too steep a price to pay for a little attention from you? Maybe! Yes, there were a flood of candidates this week. But in the interest of time and the need to “keep the funnel full” in case the black and white well runs dry (not likely!) let’s just take Grandpa shall we? He is representative of this week's crop.

So, I get his email. It is short and sweet. He’s a widower, I’m a widow. He likes my picture, I like his, he read my profile and thinks we have much in common, and I read his two-sentence profile and get nothing – hmm...shades of grey. We speak briefly on the phone and the invitation for dinner is made. A girl’s gotta eat, right? Boring dates to the uncoupled are just like arguments to the coupled – inevitable and just part of life/love.

We meet at the restaurant. He is driving a white car with black interior, wearing black pants, a black turtleneck and a grey faux linen jacket – he brings white wine! Yes, it is a white tablecloth restaurant and the décor --- you guessed it – black granite and white marble. Now when I go on these dates I ramp myself up, tune myself up – goose myself up. When I get myself amped up, out pops the engaging smile, the interested and concerned expressions and more than anything, the humorous anecdotes and knife sharp wit that punctuates the evening. It is an old sales trick…and I shift into selling gear without any effort. I can talk about everything and anything (except the Phillies!). I can make them laugh, I can make them cry and I can regale them with stories of the past and dreams of the future and all the days in-between. I always leave them wanting more….yes, always…it never fails – I’m Technicolor.

But here’s what happens. When he talks everything is black and white --- the career as an accountant, the number of grandkids, the T-ball events, the little one’s recital, the tooth fairy, the daily grind of living alone. The future is unknown – “I want to live long enough to walk my granddaughter down the aisle”! The “I love the beach, movies, grilling and would like to try a cruise someday” and let’s not forget – “Go Phillies”. Everything is just black and white, black and white. Where is the color? Where is the person inside this man? Where is the loop that one can hook onto to find someone of depth…someone who can change your world? Rock your world? Show you something new? Where is the man that leaves you breathless and wanting more? How can he keep up with you? Well even if you want to slow down - really slow down - all you get from this is an offer to become a surrogate grandma to a tribe of children not even of your making. I don’t want to live my life through anyone’s grandchildren. I want to live whatever is left of mine fully and completely - for Me and for He if there ever is We!

I know this is not a funny blog…and I’m sorry, but sometimes you know, sometimes, this ridiculous endeavor is not funny at all. It is frustrating, disappointing and depressing and since you are all rubberneckers to the accident of my dating life – drive by slowly and thank God that it’s not you! Then step on the gas and get the hell outta here!

I’ll be back…yes, I’ll be back…and hopefully in a much better mood! See you next time