Sex and the 60 - The LOSERS!

Did you know that there are nearly 96 million singles over the age of 18 in the USA? This according to a US Census Bureau Report issued in 2009 at the start of last year’s Single’s Week. Oh boy, what a celebration we had last year --- remember? Huh? I just found out that Single’s Week is September 15 – 21. Ironically that is the week that Kevin deteriorated and died in 2007 and I became one of the single statistics. Do you think they developed the “holiday” so that I could celebrate my new status every year? Nah…just one of those creepy coincidences.

Anyway, just so you are well informed --- there are just under 1.2 single women for every man in the USA. Hmm, ok not terrible odds but wait, it gets worse - and drastically! There are 3.2 single women for every man over 65 in the US. Yikes…I better hurry; they appear to be dropping like flies, particularly between the ages of 60 – 65! But why, why, why is it so difficult? I have a good body for a 60-year-old, I don’t look my age, I am ALIVE, spirited, interesting and interested. Why are the guys online in this age group so….well, soooooo… let’s be blunt – they are LOSERS. I detailed some of them in my last Blog – The Dream. No I did not make those things up. I met men with those nightmarish traits – just not all in one night. Carrie and I have been talking about this – disagreeing in fact.

“No, they are not all losers, Samantha. I met some very nice men – they were just not right for me.” Carrie said with a hint of annoyance. She hated when I generalized and I always generalize, because well, in general I am always right!

“Carrie, each of your nice men had something wrong with them – yes they did – they were LOSERS.” I sniped back. “One wore a white turtleneck with a blue blazer and khaki pants. If that isn’t loser attire I don’t know what is! And how about the one that wouldn’t buy you lunch because you chose the place instead of agreeing to his suggestion? Or the one that brought you home in that terrible rainstorm and couldn’t get out of your driveway fast enough when you said you hoped you didn’t have water in your basement? These are not losers?”

“Well, yes, all that happened and maybe some of them were losers but…most of them were nice and interesting, just not for me,” she stubbornly declared.

“And how about my men – there was the Munchkin, The Sludge Engineer, the Black and White Man…oh and many, many others I have not yet released for publication!” I was screaming now. “They are the definition of LOSER!!”

So what’s the problem? These are the same men who were my age when I was in my 20s and 30s. Did something happen to them in the 30 – 40 intervening years? Why, why, why are they so unappealing now? I had to figure this out….what was the common denominator in all of them. AHA! They are all divorced. Now, let me walk you through this….they are divorced and why do men divorce their wives? Here I go generalizing again, for another woman, of course, a younger woman, a more interested woman, a more agile woman. So, if these men are divorced where is their “other woman”? AHA, they don’t have one. If they left for another woman they would not be on line looking at me! These guys have been the object of the divorce. They have been DIVORCED BY. Now, stay with me. Why do women divorce men – in general? They cheat, they are abusive, they gamble, they do drugs, drink, are boring and uninteresting, in other words – they are (all together now!) LOSERS!

So, you see, except for the widowed and the few needle in the haystack good guys who just couldn’t take their LOSER wives any longer. The preponderance of men on online dating sites are – YES, LOSERS. Suddenly it all made sense. These are the guys I wouldn’t date in my 20s and 30s so of course I cannot find a match. As I always say: “One woman’s garbage is another woman’s – garbage.” We’re not stupid!

So let’s go back to statistics. (Do we have to?) According to www.divorcereform.org 36% of men over 60 are divorced. An AARP magazine article (A House Divided by Elizabeth Enright in 2004) reported that 66% of divorces over the age of 50 are initiated by the woman – you go girl! So what does this all mean? Well to me it means that there is no end to the number of women trying to attract the one non-loser guy among the hundreds of them on the internet….Oh, what’s the use - the average male life span in the USA is only 72 years!

I’m looking for an island to start a Geriatric Amazon Nation. The hell with it.

See you next time!