Sex and the 60 – Men in Uniform

I was always a sucker for a man in uniform. You know – firemen, police, correction officers, soldiers, sailors – well you know.

So there I was in my local Stop and Shop supermarket perusing the fruits, vegetables and old guys tooling around leaning on their carts full of skim milk, bananas and bran flakes (oh, that’s a blog for another day!), when I saw him. He was in uniform!

I only saw him from the back but I could feel he was about 6o. He was tall, with dark hair (hmmm, now that’s a little Grecian Formula) and his uniform was sharply pressed. I love a man who prides himself in a knife crease and well polished shoes. So he did stop me in my tracks and I felt my heart thump a couple of times. Like a movie, he turned in slow motion and I got a full frontal – brown pants, yellow shirt and a brown vest – with the words STOP AND SHOP printed on the chest! I swooned!

Oh, come on, just because they’re older and can’t trip up a fleeing criminal with a well placed foot, or rush up 10 stories carrying 200 pounds of gear to break down a door with their big, bad axe, or lay down cover fire for an invading force, they still have an opportunity to thrill us. After all, these are the new career uniforms - the uniforms of part-timers. Men making supplemental incomes in a new way - how about those blue-vested Walmart cart distributors. You think it’s easy to be pleasant to every snot-nosed kid that walks into a store?

And what about crossing guards – it takes training, skill and practice to flip that stop sign in the right direction. Hey these guys weren’t baton twirlers when they were 8 years old you know! This IS a new trick! And not everyone could wear a white plastic sash. You have to have the right skin tone. Or school bus driver. What a turn-on. Like a long-haul trucker carrying eggs to market. And let’s not forget the fishnet safety orange uniforms at Home Depot. Does everyone look good in fishnets? Well think back! Not so easy, is it?

Some of my other favorites are gas station attendant. Looking at him makes me a little light headed – or is that the smell of the ethanol? Or the museum guard. Be still my heart - blue blazers and square badges and some even with ear buds in their ears just like the Secret Service. Hmmm, unless that’s their hearing aid, of course.

How many more are there, these uniforms of the seasoned man? Who needs dress blues, Scott air packs or the ubiquitous executive blue suit, white shirt and red tie? Those were the uniforms of their youth when life was racing by. When they had no time to smell the flowers, watch the sun set or steep in a tub awaiting the pill to kick in. No, now it’s making sure their few strands of hair are well combed over and there’s no dandruff on their black tee shirt as they take tickets from the hordes of pushing and shoving kids rushing to see Shrek Forever – in 3D!

Alas, I don’t think I will ever find the maroon vests at Lowes as exciting as an ankle holster, but I’ll work on it. Just one question - would you consider a hospital gown a uniform?

See you next time.