Sex and the 60 - The Isle of the Single Male Sirens

It’s been about 40 years since I read Homer’s Odyssey. Funny, but out of nowhere it popped into my head this morning probably because the Odyssey, with its epic adventures, cast of memorable characters, temptations and never ending perils is not dissimilar to the dating game. One yearns to be home, safe, loved, protected but finds the way fraught with danger and distractions. One episode in particular reminds me of where I find myself some days – Odysseus’ passage near the Isle of the Sirens.

Although no one has ever proven the existence of male sirens I am herewith making a case that they do exist and they ply their trade on internet dating sites. They are far more complex and varied than the run of the mill female one with her ample bosom, legs that never end and “come hither” song. (You guys are so easy!) We ladies, however, are being assaulted everyday by a myriad of dark forces determined to entice us onto their isle. You have to row very hard and fast to clear the pull of the Isle of Single Male Sirens:

The Successful Executive Siren – He is retired, drops name, places and brags of the largesse of his golden parachute. There are pictures of homes, cars, boats and all of the toys he knows you will never have in this lifetime. You avoid the picture on this profile – somehow you know it will be demotivating.  But after a while you have to take a little peek.  Yikes! It's your father! OK in this case not my real father as he stayed married and in love with my mother for 63 years and only death did part them. But this guy does look exactly like my own 86 year old father with the addition of a Hitler-style mustache. It took days for me to stop considering him (you shallow slut!) Row girl, row!

And, there is The Younger Guy Siren – Oh, this one is particularly cruel. His approach is always careful and respectful, apologetic for bothering you, but he just couldn’t resist. He explains that he finds himself attracted to older women. That age is just a number and that he knows you are recently widowed. In this case you go immediately to the picture and stare long and hard at it. OMG! You fancy yourself Demi Moore. But a quick look in the mirror smacks you back into reality and you read the lines in his profile about how he is an aspiring chef dreaming of opening his own restaurant.  Then between the lines – older widow, husband’s life insurance policy, maturing Treasury Bonds. OK there goes that fantasy about sweeping everything off the kitchen table – Whoa girl --- No! Row girl Row!

And how about The Handyman Siren – This insidious creature lures you in with his song about what a great house husband he could be. You find yourself dreaming of new granite countertops; marble his and her sinks and maybe even a 2nd floor addition! You always did fantasize about working with Norm Abrams tools! Oh, so what if he’s not a great provider. After all, think how many rainy day projects he would get done now that he’s re-employed in his chosen career - car wash “technician”! Row girl row!

So, you row against the tide – the compelling songs still alarmingly enticing.  But, one day you find yourself leaning against a nice guy in a darkened movie theatre while he holds your hand still greasy from popcorn. Now that quiets the music down a bit.

See you next time.