One of my new best friends asked me why I was on Match.com. After all how could I hope to find someone who could replace Kevin in my life? I guess I had waxed poetic about Kevin. I was unthinking of how that would sound to someone just learning about me. I spoke of his talent, our star-crossed destiny and our 27 years of bliss. And perhaps, well, I may have overlooked the many years of misery that took their place right next to those years of bliss. I do remember telling my friend that men become perfect and legendary only after death (btw, women become perfect and saintly) and that if I dared to let myself I could remember chapter and verse of the times he was a perfect and legendary shit! But my new friend brought up a good thought. What kind of man should I look for next? If I could boil it down to a few criteria what would they be? In typical control freak mode I started a short list. OK, it’s not so short, but for the purposes of this blog I will give you the Reader’s Digest version.
So here – stream of consciousness without deliberation of order of preference - is the short list. It is very simple really --- He should be:
Handsome – but not too handsome that he knows it and draws women to him like a moth to a flame and makes me feel inadequate and insecure and have to spend thousands of dollars on plastic surgery to look like a 60 year old trying to look like a 20 year old!
Tall – but not too tall that I have to wear my high heels all the time or have to get on my tippytoes to kiss him because I get cramps in my calves and that hurts and loving him should not hurt – you know!
Muscular – but not so muscular that he has those lumpy things and those stringy things that connect your head to your shoulders because those are gross, but he should be able to move the furniture in my house around with ease for hours on end!
Smart – but not so smart that he makes me feel stupid, because there is nothing worse than feeling stupid in front of someone you are trying to impress. Oh, yeah and let’s make sure that he thinks I am super smart too – hmmm I think I just set up an oxymoron – he being smart and thinking I am super smart. That might make him - a moron – or is he an oxymoron?
An Active Man – but not into camping or hiking or being in the clean fresh air without benefit of a massage table and masseur. And not into participatory outdoor sports either as he might hurt himself and not be able to move my furniture around all day long.
A Great Lover – but not so good that I have to think about how many woman he had to sleep with to learn THAT! and whether I should be doing “this” faster, slower, harder or longer?????!
All I want is A Complex Man with a varied past and a depth of experience. The kind of experience that makes a man unique, thought provoking and intriguing – but he must come without BAGGAGE!
And, without elaboration here are some additional items – hair, on his head not his back; a conscience, not guilty; and financial security - not counting my savings. That’s it. Yes, I believe that’s all I want… Oh, no there is
just one final requirement,
He must be totally into ME – no buts about it.
See you next time!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010
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2 comments:
That BAGGAGE thing is tricky, no?
Yes...I know thirdmillennium about as likely as finding a man who could/would move my furniture around the house for hours on end. But a girl can dream!
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