Sex and the 60 - Six Months

I know when I started this blog I said I would be finding the ridiculous and humorous sides of dating at 60, and most of the time I see it that way, but somehow, today, the humor of this situation is escaping me. As I hit the 6 month mark of being a registered lonely heart, I find myself somber, surprised at the sadness and the frustration that this process engenders. I know they say “nothing worth having comes easy” and “all good things come to those who wait”. But truly, for those of us who have had a fulfilling life with a partner with all of the drama, ups and downs, laughter and tears that come with commitment to another person, the thought of finding a needle in this unruly haystack seems impossible.

I am not necessarily looking for another husband. And those of you who know me know that marriage was the last thing on my mind with Kevin.  In fact we married only 7 months before he died after 37 odd years of thinking it would never work! Life without him is not all that different as we lead very independent lives, but for two important things that are sorely missing:

 The belonging – it is not necessary, but it sure is nice to know where you belong. Know that you belong to someone. That they are looking out for you, know where you are, want to hear your voice and miss seeing you everyday. Of course, feeling that way about another is a rich reward too.
 The witnessing - There is a line from the movie “Shall We Dance” with Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez and Susan Sarandon. In the movie the Sarandon character says:

"We need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet... I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things... all of it, all of the time, every day. You're saying 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness."

I realized that the only people who have witnessed my life are now gone and that I have no one's life to witness. I sure do miss that most of all.

So you see, looking at it from that perspective how can I hope to find a proper witness through electronic media? Doctored photos, insipid profiles, colorless phone conversations and unexciting encounters, not just one but many, day in and day out for 6 months is not very encouraging. It may be a function of age, all that baggage we haul around with us now or our unwillingness to give an inch (too fat, too short, too hairy, too bald, too, too, too), or it just may be that we now know our own worth and refuse to give it away to just anyone who is interested in having some. But for whatever reason, internet dating at 60 is just not where it's at.

...Enough – this is not what you tuned in for.  I promise, if I stop thinking so much I can start to laugh again. Well, like the guy who recently found me on Fish. He is nearly a next door neighbor. He says he is like Aidan (in Sex and the City – Carrie’s second love who was the sweetest guy ever) and cannot wait to meet me. Never mind the “Honey Do” list. Finding him is the jackpot – the "Honey Pick-up A Few Things On Your Way Over Than Shovel My Driveway When It Snows And Pick Up That Dead Bird Off My Deck Too” do list! He is the Geriatric Dating Prize --- The Local Guy.

Alright I’ll put my tooth guard back in, paint on my game face and get back in the ring…

See you next time! Yeah, there will be a next time.